Empowered Women Don’t Rely Upon “Tools in Toolboxes”: We have a better way
“You need more tools in your toolbox” is a metaphor that therapists and bosses hammer away at us when we ask for help. It is uncomfortable jargon indicating that we don’t have the skills we need and we better go out and get the right one if we want to be successful. It is a misogynist guys-guy term, one that focuses on our power being externally-based. It implies that if you buy tools (or learn skills from someone else) that all you have to do is go to your toolbox, open it up, pull out the right tool, then use it for the task at hand. It is mechanistic in nature. Whether you know how to actually use them accurately is another issue. When you have a problem to fix, this metaphor assumes that if you have a lot of different tools then you might have the right one to pull out to solve the difficulty. If you don’t have many tools in your box, chances are you are going to fail in accomplishing your task. The tool-in-the-toolbox metaphor is used everywhere from the auto-mechanic, the school teacher, the social service professional, to the government official.
Some of us use it because it’s become a trendy term. We want to appear that we are “in the know” but resort to using tired, tried but not necessarily true word choices. We need to remember that the words we choose to use have power. They express a framework of how we see the world, others, and ourselves. We have over one million words to choose from in the English language. Certainly, there are other options to describe our quests.
When we start talking of tools, my mind explodes with visions of all the “tools” I have known. I, for one, need no more tools in my box. A tool, according to the Urban Dictionary, is:
- “A guy with a hugely over-inflated ego, who in an attempt to get un-due attention for himself, will act like a jackass, because, in his deluded state, he will think it’s going to make him look cool, or make others want to be like him. The person may even insincerely apologize later on, but only in an attempt to get more attention or to excuse his blatantly intentional, and unrepentantly tool-ish behavior.
- Someone whose ego FAR exceeds his talent, intelligence, and likeability. But, of course, he is clueless regarding that fact. He erroneously thinks he is THE MAN!
- Someone who others normally refer to as a prick, dick, or schmuck.
- Someone who acts like a dick, because…well…he’s compensating”.
Why, then, would an upstanding woman want to have a bunch of tools in her toolbox? Most of us have had quite enough of them and found that they don’t work very well. We’ve traded one tool for another and are still looking for the right one.
Instead of blindly pattering that we need to find “the best tool” to be successful, it’s time to move away from the sloppy toolbox metaphor. I have one that is far more appropriate for empowered women.
Women carry around the knowledge that when confronted with a problem, there are usually multiple solutions we could draw upon. We call upon our wisdom to decide which of the many arrows we have in our quiver that we wish to pull out to aim at solving the problem.
An arrow in the quiver metaphor refers to a strategy or option that could be used to achieve a particular objective. In our quiver, we can have a number of arrows, resources, or strategies available that we can use to achieve a goal. It takes wisdom to know what arrow, or resource, to pull out and how to direct it in order to manifest our intention.
A tool is passive, it sits there locked away until the user makes the effort to get it out. Each tool is different and if you try to use one that’s the wrong size, it’s not going to work. Arrows, on the other hand, may look alike but their magic resides in what we do with them. A single arrow can be shot in different directions, with different speeds, and at different angles in order to reach the bullseye. Arrows can be directional, swift, and purposeful depending on the intention of the archer. Arrows can exude grace and power simultaneously. We don’t have to go get the arrows; as a huntress like Artemis, we carry them around with us and can pull them out for use whenever the situation arises. Our arrows are connected to our intuitions.
Artemis, the archetype of the Mother Goddess, was the huntress who carried on her back her quiver filled with arrows that she could employ. She was a woman’s woman. Beautiful, feminine, she used her power for good, was regarded as a healer, one who followed the light and paid attention to her inner voice. She didn’t need a man to make her whole. She didn’t need to do things their way in order to be happy and successful. Refusing to marry, she didn’t succumb to male authority. became a protector of young girls and women in childbirth and trusted her own ability to accomplish goals. She sized up situations during the hunt and decided when to pull out her arrows and how she wanted to shoot and direct them.
Her totem animal was the deer who traveled as her companion. Deer spirit animals are thought to enable people to balance wisdom, grace, and power. Where masculine power is often portrayed as angry, in-your-face aggressive control, Artemis’s deer quality enabled her to tackle difficult situations and achieve ambitious goals smoothly with gentle grace. Deer remind us that we can be strong and confident without being arrogant and overt. When we embody the power of grace and beauty, we attract the awe and respect of others without the trappings of jealousy or malice. Artemis and her deer knew the strength and wisdom by tapping into their intuition and reading the signs of the world around them and reacting appropriately to them.
There are both masculine and feminine ways of doing things. I’m not convinced that the masculine model of leadership has worked well. I’m also not impressed when women utilize and replicate male models just because they are advertised to be the right or best ones. We are not tools to be used. We are arrows who can determine our destination.
There is something wonderful about being a woman that we ought not to lose. Artemis was beloved by women and children and trusted by her dogs and deer. She understood the power of intuition and knowing what arrow to pull out when.
Instead of talking about yanking tools out of our toolbox in order to accomplish something, let’s talk about how we prefer to pull out the right arrow from our quiver. There is no reason to resort to the brute tool framework when there is one of feminine wisdom which knows exactly what arrow to pull out to hit our mark smoothly and swiftly.
The words we use reflect a lot about how we see ourselves. Let’s use arrows instead of tools.